The Importance of the Re-Write!: Intro

RE: Bobby's Biggest Bubble and its Re-Writes
Before finally printing my first book last year, I gathered all the past information and images I could find. Some things were lost due to a broken hard drive or merely misplacing a file or two. But most of the material was archived on several backup drives.

Somethings didn't change that much at all. The original cover from the B+W dummy book .

Since the book's first version was made nearly 19 years ago, the story itself has gone through quite a few major revisions over the years. I found one of the original dummy books that I tried to get published nearly a decade ago (this, in particular, was made during my second attempt of breaking into the publishing business.) All of the following images for this posting will be from this black & white mock-up book.

Just to Note: It's safe to say that I HATE seeing my old work. I see so many poor decisions in the storytelling from looking at these old alternative versions of Bobby's Biggest Bubble. The main elements are all there: the gumballs, the big bubble, the meteor and of course Bobby. But much of the story's flow and structure has been tweaked.

So . . . I'm going to share some of these alternative versions of the book here in 3 parts this week. Think of it as one of those DVD extras where the clips that were edited out.
These postings will assume many have read the story - and if you haven't, there will be spoilers (so don't spoil it for the children!)

Part One will be about the arrival of the gumballs and the neighborhood children.

Part Two will look at Otter and how the bubble was originally going to get around town.

Part Three will show the not so great original rushed ending. (sigh)

You know, I'm starting to think I shouldn't show this stuff. But hopefully, in doing so, others can see how important rewriting a story really is when trying to craft a better story.

The Importance of the Re-Write!: Part 1

Part 1: Delivery and the Town's Children

Image #1: The first noticeable change from today's version of Bobby's Biggest Bubble is the long time spent getting to the gumballs. It took an extra 4 pages for the gumballs to finally enter the story. Initially, I thought it was important to show how the gumballs arrived at Bobby's home. But when I analyzed what parts of the story I thought were more enjoyable and what was lacking . . . the arrival of the crate just didn't seem that important.

Image #1: Poor Melman the Mailman struggling to get the package delivered on time.

Image #2: A whole group of neighborhood children was developed as supporting characters. Their job here was to imagine what could be inside the mystery crate. About 10 children characters were developed.  The original plan was to eventually write a "Really Tall Tale " for each of the town's children. (But that concept was put aside since I have many other stories I want to tell first.) Seeing this page now, it feels like a lot of unnecessary filler. 

Image #2: The neighborhood children guessing what was inside the crate

Image #3: This page was basically used as seen, except for Wilbie, the town's book smart kid.  Wilbie was originally going to be the best friend/sidekick to Bobby, but Otter seemed like a better choice to play a sidekick/fall guy. I still like the idea of the polka dotted gorilla . . . But that would have distracted from what was happening in the image -- which was the opening the crate.

Image #3: The whiz kid, Wilbie, was edited out the book.

Image #4: I thought by showing Bobby sharing the gumballs with all of the children, it would help establish Bobby as a very likable character. This was a cute page, one I wanted to keep for the book. But eventually, this had to be cut out and replaced by a 2-page spread of the gumballs spilling out of the crate. The 2-page spread does a great job of showing the vast amount of gumballs flowing from the box. . . Far better than if it all happened on a single page.

Image #4: Bobby sharing the goods

[ Note: You can see Otter in the distance as an outcast; longing to be a part of the fun - but he stubbornly refuses to be friendly. More about that in Part 2 tomorrow. ] 

Go to Part Two

The Importance of the Re-Write!: Part 2

Part 2: Otter and Bubble Transportation

Image #5: I always knew I wanted a character to sidekick and assist in Bobby's bubble adventure. I thought, "If I had a loner/bully character who joins in on Bobby's adventure, they would become the best of friends." So I originally created Otter as the nosy, spying and pesty kid, (who looks somewhat like Curly from the Three Stooges.)

But I started to find that the story was already getting too wordy. I had Otter always in the backgrounds, occasionally making snide comments and snooping around to see what was happening. The transition of them being strangers and then suddenly best friends was a bit too abrupt. Because of the limited pages, I gave up on having the two eventually become friends -- instead, I just had them as friends from the start. This made it so much easier, and it actually allowed me to add two more pages of the boys' with their crazy gumball activities.
(FYI: Those four pages are my favorite part of the book.)

Image #5: Otter getting closer but still casually strolling by the crate . . .  

 Image # 6: Having Otter become the best friend freed up a lot of explaining.  It also allowed me to use Otter's reactions to focus on what was happening on each page. But most important, Bobby needed someone to assist him in moving that giant bubble around. My original writing simply had them head to the hills in the park. No interactions with the townspeople at all (not at all like the book today.) 
This part of the story always annoyed me; just running the huge bubblegum bubble to the hills was boring. So I did a fourth re-write -- and then it came to me. I would have Bobby go to several locations, each one stating that Bobby could no longer stay because his bubble was getting too big. (This was the most significant change I made from the original story, and it makes me so happy to see that the alternative idea worked so well.)

Image #6: Headin' fer them thar hills!

Image #7: Now moving the bubble from place to place was crucial to help show the overall size of the bubble and how much it was growing. To help emphasize the massive scale, I would start to have them struggle with controlling and moving the bubble, especially uphill.

Image #7: The struggle of moving the world biggest bubblegum bubble uphill.

Image #8: I knew how I wanted the story to end, but how to get there wasn't easy. In the original story, they make it to the top of the hill -- and then a gust of wind takes it away.

Image #8: A similar image is used in the book, except the boys don't lose the bubble -- yet!

Image #9: This page was left out. It was always the weakest part of the book to me.  But it was my only solution at the time. I can safely say that the story has gotten considerably better because of the rewrites. It's important to step back from your work, give it a rest and then approach I again with new eyes.

Image 9: Chasing after the floating giant bubblegum bubble heading towards the town

\(Warning: spoilers abound. I will be revealing how the book ends!)

Tomorrow I will try to cover and explain . . . (shudder) . . . The original ending. Go to Part Three

The Importance of the Re-Write!: Part 3

Part 3: The BIG problematic finale!

I take back what I said before. This part is the most significant change to the story -- where my climatic ending just wasn't that exciting! (Lots of standing around.)
SPOILER ALERT: I'm about to give away the end, so here goes . . . 

Image #10: We left off where the boys lost the giant bubble to the wind while on the park's highest hill.
I knew my ending already: the giant bubble deflects a meteor that was heading to the center of the town. I was stuck on how to get to that point. So I wrote the following: 

1.) The bubble floats away with the wind. (Ok, that's how the bubble collides with the meteor.)
2.) The boys run after it, leading them to the center of town. (Ok, that gets them to the location)
3.) My story's BIG problem: how to suddenly mention that a meteor was heading toward the town.
I worked around this problem by having the town already know the meteor was coming and that officer Augie (later named Mike) was evacuating the area. I was not happy with this idea.

Image #10: Those who have read the book may notice this is now Mrs. Applebottom's location.
Note the newspaper headline . . .

Image #11: I had to take a page or two to explain the dire situation. So I had Officer Augie explain to the boys about the danger approaching the town. I didn't realize it back then, but I was creating a situation in the story that could potentially scare children who were reading the book. I didn't want the story to focus so much on the meteor and the danger. I didn't want children thinking their town too could be hit with meteors.

When doing the 3rd rewrite, the idea of losing the bubble to the wind and the evacuated town was utterly tossed aside.

Image #11: Officer Augie is taking WAY too much time telling the boys they are about to get hit by a meteor.

Image #12: This is such a poor perspective and such a mediocre attempt at creating tension to the story. I started to notice what was missing -- and that was Bobby's biggest bubble. The main focus was nowhere to be seen. To follow just the characters without even seeing the bubble for many pages, was a poor decision.
When doing picture books, it's vital that the images alone can tell the story. If I took the words away from these several pages -- no one would know what was happening, including me.

Image #12: Oh No! Guess who wasted too much time hanging around a danger zone area?
(And where did Officer Augie's newspaper go?  Where'd that squirrel come from?)

Image #13: This was just a silly filler page I added, but later I used this as a promotional idea.

I took the gum-wrapper artwork and made mock versions using packs of Trident and Dentyne gum. I would send a pack of gum wrapped with the Bobby gum-wrapper to publishers, along with a query letter and dummy book. (See my past blog about this by clicking HERE.)

To the people who have read the story, you can see the big changes that were made to Bobby Biggest Bubble. The re-writes helped me iron out the weaker areas and helped me revision the story in a far better way than I originally imagined.
Now the bubble appears on almost every page (in one form or another!) While it still has the meteor ending, it feels more humorous now than the original doom and gloom of the original. Bobby and Otter are visually the best of friends from the start. Overall, there a pattern and flow to the story.

Every story I do from now on will be re-written many times for this simple reason; every re-write tends to bring new and better ideas. Every re-write helps eliminate errors and weaknesses.I'm very proud of how the story turned out and heard many comments from parents who say their children enjoy the book ( -- and THAT is the importance of the re-write.)

Bobby's Ginormous Jelly: Beginning of the sequel

As of this writing, over 350 copies of Bobby's Biggest Bubble have been sent out to KickStarters, online purchasers, agents, publishers and libraries.
Getting published can take years so I'm prepared for the long haul.

But no writer (or illustrator) should just wait around for something to happen.
So, the sequel to Bobby's Biggest Bubble is now in the works. I already have the basic outline of the story written and I plan to complete the 1st draft and rewrite by the end of this month. The story with layout sketches should be completed by March. Then hopefully I can ink and color the book by June. If that all happens as scheduled, I plan to print 500 soft cover books** and have them ready to be sent out by mid August.

One thing about this book: it should be much easier than the first. The main reason is that the entire cast of characters will be back again -- and generally they will appear in the same background settings. There will be differences but the layout will be very close to the 1st book.

There is a special group of new characters that are very important to the story.The aliens. I have been playing around, trying to make the aliens that would work best for the story. It's taken awhile, but I think I'm close to what I need. 

These are the Moop-Meeps. They'll be giving Bobby an unexpected visit in Bobby's Ginormous Jelly.

I needed the aliens to be funny, small and generally not scary but at the same time, these aliens mean business. (Note to parents: Revealing these little guys now is a bit of a spoiler to the 2nd story so any of you planning to get the 2nd book for your little ones - don't tell them aliens are in the 2nd book!)

These little guys may still change a bit. I'm still thinking about dressing them in outfits similar to Bruce Lee's yellow jumpsuit.

** Just to note: I won't be using KickStarter again for the sequel. Soft cover books will be much cheaper to make than hardcover books. Plus with a smaller order, we should easily afford the printing costs on our own.

Check back here for more updates as the book is developed.

My Uncle Bob and Bobby's Biggest Bubble in the local news

The following was taken from the Suburban Newspaper, Dec. 28, 2012.

Jim Romer bases story on his uncle, Bob Dunzelman
BY CHUCK O’DONNELL Correspondent

OLD BRIDGE — It started off with a flicker of imagination and a sketch on a scrap of paper. Jim Romer took one look at this funny-looking kid he’d just drawn, named him Bobby after his beloved late uncle, and began to get swept up in a surge of inspiration. The result is “Bobby’s Biggest Bubble,” a new children’s picture book created and self-published by the Old Bridge cartoonist. The full-color, hardcover 24-page book is influenced by some of the tales Romer loved as a kid, from“Where the Wild Things Are” to “Harold and the Purple Crayon” to “The Phantom Tollbooth.”

In the book, Bobby gets a huge crate full of one million Super-Duper-Wubble-Bubble-Really-Gummy-Gumballs. Then chaos ensues. It’s just the kind of story Uncle Bob would have liked, Romer said. In fact, Romer dedicated the book to Bob Dunzelman, who died of leukemia, for showing him “it was possible to live with the fun-loving wonder, playful spirit, and imagination of your childhood throughout your entire life.”

“I did a little sketch of a stubby, little boy, which I instantly named Bobby to honor my uncle,” Romer said. “By doing that, one thing lead to another. I gave the character a cap similar to what my uncle wore. I gave the character my uncle’s creative imagination, especially on the pages where they are doing crazy things with the bubblegum. “And with the title of the book finally in place, the story seemed to come together so easily.”

But getting it published was another story. Romer set out about 20 years ago to make kids’ books, but couldn’t get his foot in the door. When his uncle relapsed after a bone marrow transplant, Romer called it “a dark time.” He took his rejection letters and sketches and put them away.

Eventually he turned to toy designing, and now works as an exclusive creative director for a China-based company that creates many sewn goods, like plush toys, costumes and pet toys.While many of Romer‘s designs can be seen in stores such as Target, Kmart, Petsmart and Walmart, his dream of making kids books never faded. When Romer discovered the growing trend of crowdfunding, using sites such as Kickstarter.com to appeal directly to potential buyers who make pledges in return for rewards such as copies of the finished book, he realized this was his chance.

Seventy-nine people, many of them complete strangers moved by Romer’s desire to honor his uncle with a fun kid’s tale, donated a total of more than $5,000 through Kickstarter.com so he could publish “Bobby‘s Biggest Bubble.”

He also got a lot of help from Cindy Santos, his cousin and Uncle Bob’s daughter. A kindergarten teacher, Santos not only helped proofread the book, but prompted Romer to rework parts of the story after she pointed out it would be read out loud, which “tends to need a rhythm and flow,” Romer said.

Plus, Santos’s triplets, Bobbi (who is named after Romer’s uncle), Jase and Andrew, and her students at her Upper Saddle River school, were the first test audiences. “I can tell when I read his book how well he knew my father,” Santos said. “I can see my father in this character over and over again: the way Bobby balances things on his head, his cap, his hand in his pocket on the first page, his tongue out when he’s shooting the marble, the crowbar in his hand, his face when he is trying to first blow up the bubble.”

Making the book and starting on the sequel, “Bobby’s Ginormous Jelly,” brought back a flood of memories and emotions for Romer: the vast Matchbox car collection Uncle Bob kept in his basement. The way he’d always be making something, like an octagon-shaped terrarium. The Christmas mornings he would be on the floor playing with the other children.

The best, Romer said, was the time he and his uncle went to the toy store and bought a Styrofoam rocket jet that launches using air capsules. What Romer didn’t know is that his uncle had bought about a dozen rubber parachute men at the counter. “So you can imagine my surprise when the rocket took off, which was already cool, but then these tiny parachute men started to fall off the rocket and floated safely down to the ground,” Romer said. “I still remember his laugh and joy on his face when that the idea worked.”

“I always knew how many people my dad loved and spent time with and gave attention to, I just never realized the mark he was leaving on all these people — Jim included,” Santos said. “For him to write an entire book with the main character named after my father with my father’s likeness is really an 
honor. My father would be so proud.”
For more information about Romer and his children’s book, “Bobby’s Biggest Bubble,” visit http://arrrggghhh.com.

Christmas is coming!!!

Merry Christmas to everyone . . . and a Happy New Year!

Running Santa made with Color Pencil on Bristol

Daily Quick Sketch: Superman Problems?

This is just a quick pencil sketch of something I used to think of as a kid. It also a semi-tribute to Sergio Aragones, the Mad magazine cartoonist who used to draw the many little cartoons along the pages' edges, in the gutters and everywhere in the magazine. I used to look just searching for his cartoons, I always felt his cartoons were the best. Here, I followed a little of his style of Superman, which I have seen him do many, many times over many, many years.

Santa Banana

Okay, back from Shanghai after being away for two weeks. Let's get back to posting again!

Here's a wacky one I was thinking about when I was deprived of about 48 hours of sleep while in China:

Daily Quick Sketch: Lil' Poot Owl

Today's Quick Sketch is a baby owl character I named Lil' Poot. I was doing several designs for Halloween bags, and one of the designs needed was an owl. The finished bag design of the owl was very computerized and geometric. But the original pencil sketch of the owl was looser and looked completely different then the computer generated illustration. So I decided to ink and color the pencil sketch. Came up with this . . .